Days of Bereavement

My mother passed away on the first of March.  I don’t really know how I’m doing.  She had alzheimer’s, so we’ve had years of what they call the long goodbye.  I loved my mama dearly, and the numbness I feel now is entirely alien to my normally sensitive nature.  I’ve wept bitterly while she was alive and struggling with her condition but now my times of tears are short and they just aren’t powerful enough to remove the grief.  Why can’t I just cry this out?  Then there are times that I’m furious.  Not at mama and not at God.  I’m mad at the wretched devil whose bright idea it was to afflict people with this miserable disease!  I really want to run him down and REPEATEDLY BOUNCE HIS HEAD OFF THE PAVEMENT!

Then there are times that I want to deny it happened, that she’s still with us…  but that’s no help.  I know she’s moved on to the higher plane and I have to find a way to deal with that here on earth.

So…  anyway…  I decided to hold off posting for a week, and try to find my way through this strange maze of numbness, fury, and terrible loss.

Thanks for reading.